


Reset

by Chimera Manticore (chimeramanticore)



Category: Shovel Knight
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Heavy Angst, M/M, donluan, fr this may be the saddest thing ive ever written, i was gonna tag this as major character death but uh., implied prospecter, kinda?? its more of a "this is what i think happens 600 years post canon and no one can stop me", took some issues with that. youll see why when you read lol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-06
Updated: 2019-09-06
Packaged: 2020-10-11 00:55:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,099
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20537504
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chimeramanticore/pseuds/Chimera%20Manticore
Summary: Donovan's lived 600 years past everyone he's known from when he was alive. After finally coming to peace with himself, he's allowed to pass on and see his loved ones again. Everything was perfect... until it all suddenly stopped.





	Reset

**Author's Note:**

> if you follow me on twitter (coughcough its @shoveledknight go follow me) you'll know ive been talking a lot about this au where specter just lives like......... disgustingly long post-canon until he can finally find peace with himself and what he is. what i haven't talked about is all the story ideas i have for when he finally actually dies and gets to see luan and the other knights again for the first time in a couple centuries so here's something from that
> 
> i'll almost definitely do more of these, rather than a whole longfic i'll do little scenes or vignettes in a series probably
> 
> also since this is a personal conversation that donnie's having with luan (someone he's comfortable with) he's gonna be namedropping some other knights feat. my headcanon names for em. see if you can guess who they all are lmao (i'll put them in the notes at the end though)
> 
> EDIT: wow actually this fic is headcanon central if you see something that doesnt look like it was ever mentioned in canon thats because it wasnt and i ran with it just go with it dont even worry about it
> 
> yeah this notes section is long enough already so ill stop now. hope u enjoy uwu

Donovan woke up in a cold sweat. He had already been crying in his sleep, but it only worsened now that he was awake. Then suddenly from beside him, he heard a comforting voice. A familiar voice.

“Donovan…? What’s wrong?”

He turned to face Luan.

Right, Luan.

Right, he was dead.

Right.

Luan sounded tired, like usual. He’d always sounded somewhat tired. Donovan used to pass it off as simply old age. Luan was already a good few years older than him- though he supposed their ages didn’t really matter now. Regardless, it was a voice Donovan hadn’t heard in roughly six hundred years, and when he said he was savoring every second he had to hear that voice again, he really meant it. He’d almost forgotten how comforting it was- how comforting Luan was. Still though, his panic only mildly subsided.

“Luan,” he breathed, falling into his partner and hugging him tightly. Luan reacted somewhat surprised at first, but soon melted into Donovan’s touch and hugged him back. How he had missed Luan’s hugs. He hugged tight, yet gentle. His skin was so soft, maybe even softer than he remembered it. Maybe death did something good to Luan. Maybe it was doing something good for him.

“I… I had a dream,” Donovan started. “About you. You-- you wouldn’t know. I’ve been having them since you died.”

“Tell me about it,” Luan said without hesitation.

“You died,” Donovan told him. “I… I killed you. In worse ways this time. It’s always different, but-”

“Wait,” Luan said, pulling back just slightly to look at him better. “This time?”

“Worse than when you actually died,” Donovan said.

“...You didn’t kill me, though.”

“What?” Donovan pulled back now completely. “Of course I did! I attacked you!”

“The tower collapsed, Donovan.”

“That was my fault! When I fought Shield Knight, I damaged the tower enough to make it crumble! And I hurt you enough that you wouldn’t have been able to escape!”

“No one escaped!” Luan said. “You died too! And Alexandria, she…”

“...She was--”

“I know. You’ve told me the story.”

“She lived, though.”

“Did she? Did she really make it out of there any better than we did?”

“I…” Donovan paused. “No. She didn’t.”

“We all acted irrationally that night, Donovan,” Luan explained. “None of us could have single handedly changed what happened there.”

“We could’ve prevented it…”

“But we didn’t. It’s in the past. It’s over. Let it be over.”

“I know, I just…” Donovan shifted uncomfortably. “I just wish that-- There’s so much that I wish you could’ve seen. There was so much you deserved to see. You deserved to see Reize grow up.”

“...I can’t change what happened,” Luan said. “All I can do is go with it. Hope that it’s all part of a plan.”

They were both quiet for a second.

“...I know I sound bad,” Donovan said quietly. “Like I’ve spent the last six hundred years without you just moping about it all. I guess I did spend a while doing that. But once it was all over, when there was no one left alive that remembered what I did while I was a part of the Order, I… I think I changed. For the better. I ended up moving on, accepting myself for what I am. I started to get better. It’s just… all coming back now. Now that I’m here. Now that I’m with you again.”

“I understand completely,” Luan said. “I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t going through old repressed feelings again with you. But in some ways, it’s good, don’t you think?”

“How’s that?”

“You can catch me up on everything,” Luan said, grinning. Donovan couldn’t help but smile a little himself. Every minute that he spent with Luan, he was reminded more of why he fell in love with him in the first place.

“Can I ask you a… a weird question?” Donovan said.

“Weird questions are the best kind of questions,” Luan replied.

“Why did you pick me?” Donovan asked. “To be your, what was it, apprentice? Why me and not anyone else in the world? You could’ve picked someone who was more well off, someone who was experienced in fighting, someone who wasn’t.... Someone who wasn’t just some kid on the street.”

Luan was quiet for a minute as he thought.

“I think,” he said finally, “I think I chose you because you were just some kid on the street.”

Donovan scoffed.

“I mean it,” Luan said. “There are far too many people in the world who have the potential to do something great, to change the world for the better, but they weren’t born with the privilege to be able to do so. And then their potential for good is squandered, is lost. I saw that potential in you. I couldn’t let it go to waste. I couldn’t let you waste away.”

“You sure it wasn’t just pity?”

“Donovan.”

“What? It’s fine if it was. I was some dirty, starving kid. I’m sure the only way I got any scraps from anyone was through tugging a few heartstrings.”

Luan sighed. “It wasn’t. I just… I wanted to get you to a better place.”

“So it  _ was _ pity!”

“Donovan!” Donovan laughed, and Luan joined him.

“Do you remember that time?” Luan asked once they had both calmed down.

“Uh… vaguely,” Donovan replied. “Parts of it are clearer than others. I remember you finding me, of course. I don’t remember a lot. Uh… I definitely don’t remember my parents. A lot of it blurs together, honestly.”

“...I was a bad teacher,” Luan said suddenly.

“What?”

“I taught you crime,” Luan continued. “I taught you it was okay to steal.”

“It was stealing to survive,” Donovan said.

“No, I made you greedy too.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Don’t act like you don’t remember,” Luan said. “That one night, sitting on the roof of the latest building we had looted. It was a tall building, remember?”

Donovan said nothing.

“I remember us sitting there,” Luan continued, “surveying the land. ‘Second highest building in the continent,’ you told me. ‘Second only to that tower over there.’” He laughed.

“I remember saying we’d take over that tower eventually,” Donovan said quietly. “That we’d survey the entire continent we’d taken over together from there. That that was our ultimate goal.”

“See, you do remember! I asked you what happened if there was nothing in there, if it was just an empty tower.”

“And I said then our job was a lot easier,” Donovan replied. Luan laughed, and Donovan smiled.

“Don’t you miss those days?” Luan asked. “Those days were perfect.”

“Ah, they weren’t all perfect,” Donovan said. “You were still stuck in that dead-end relationship.”

“Mm, true,” Luan said. “But Reize wouldn’t exist without her.”

“Unfortunately,” Donovan said somewhat bitterly. “Have you seen her here?”

“No,” Luan replied. Donovan almost said, “Good,” but bit his tongue at the last minute.

“...Donovan?”

“Yeah?”

“Is there… are you waiting for anyone?” Luan asked.

“I’m not sure I understand.”

“Is there anyone alive that you still want to see?”

“I… don’t think so, no. Why do you ask?”

“No one at all? No one you can think of?”

“Luan, what’s this about?”

“...Nothing. Don’t worry about it.”

“You telling me not to worry about it is making me worry about it more now,” Donovan said. “Please just tell me.”

“I, ah…” Luan suddenly became much more visibly nervous. Donovan almost never saw him like this. It was extremely worrying.

“The way that this place works,” Luan started. “It, uh… I… I can’t. I’m just going to upset you.”

“Luan,” Donovan said, sounding more urgent than he meant to. “Please just tell me.” Luan gave Donovan a hesitant look before continuing.

“The way that… that this place works,” he continued, his voice wavering, “is that we, uh, we stay here as ghosts until we’ve finished with everything that we need to. If you die but you have a pet dog you want to see again, you stay here and wait until you get to see your dog again. But once all your business from the living world is said and done, we…” He sighed shakily. He was staring downward at nothing, trying his best not to look at Donovan. “It all resets,” he said.

“...Resets?”

“We reset. Our souls… reset, if that makes any sense,” Luan explained. “You get born again. In a new body, as a new person, in a new time and place. Your soul resets. You forget everything.”

Donovan could have sworn he physically felt his heart break.

“Don’t… Please don’t look at me like that,” Luan said, who had glanced up at Donovan only to avert his gaze again out of shame.

“I…” Donovan stuttered a few times, trying to find the right words to fit how he felt. Nothing compared. Nothing came close.

“...Why?” was all that he could get out.

“This is why I didn’t want to tell you,” Luan said. “I shouldn’t have said anything.”

“I just-- I just got here,” Donovan said. “I’m going to lose you. I’m going to lose everything?”

“It’s not as bad as it sounds,” Luan said, trying to get him to calm down. “You won’t know it when it happens. It won’t hurt, it doesn’t feel like anything. It doesn’t look like anything. It doesn’t sound or taste or smell like anything. It’s calm and peaceful and you won’t even notice it happening.”

“When will it…?”

“You aren’t waiting for anyone, right?”

“I waited for you,” Donovan said. “I waited for  _ six hundred years _ for you!”

“I did too!” Luan snapped. “I waited, too! For just as long as you did!”

Donovan took a few breaths, trying not to cry.

“When is it happening?” he said.

“...Any day now.”

Donovan started crying.

“Please don’t… Donovan…” Luan took Donovan’s hand. “It’ll be fine, I promise. It’ll all be okay. I promise.”

“I just saw you again,” Donovan said between sobs. “I just saw you and Pierre and Jack and F- Plague Knight and… and everyone all over again for the first time in  _ centuries. _ I’m going to lose you again. I’m going to lose you again.”

Luan didn’t know what to say.   
  
“I don’t want to forget you,” Donovan said.

“That’s the thing about forgetting,” Luan said, his voice low. “You don’t know what you’re missing. You won’t just forget me. You won’t remember anything.”

Donovan started to cry harder.

“Come here... please,” Luan said, hugging Donovan again. “Please don’t cry.”

“How can I not?”

“I… I don’t know. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

They held each other for a while as Donovan sobbed, and as Luan shed silent tears.

“It’ll be okay,” he said, trying to reassure him. “I’ll be fine and you’ll be fine and it’ll all be alright.”

“How did you even…” Donovan sniffed. “How did you find out?”

“...Someone I had made friends with here disappeared one day,” Luan said. “I asked around and found out that they’d been reset. That’s how I learned about it.”

“Does anyone else know?”

“I don’t know.”

“...I’m not going to tell them.”

Luan said nothing.

“...I’m glad you told me.”

Luan stayed quiet, but held onto Donovan a little tighter.

“Luan?”

“Donovan?”

“I love you,” Donovan said, his voice barely above a whisper. “You’re my moon and stars. You are the sun and the sky and everything wonderful in the world.”

Luan opened his mouth to speak, but only managed to start crying more.

“I’m going to try to forget about this for you,” Donovan continued. “I’m going to try to be unafraid for you. Can I rely on you to do the same for me?”

“Y-you can.” Luan sniffed. “You can.”

“Until it happens,” Donovan said, “stay with me. Just be with me. I refuse to forget about you.”

“Donovan, you can’t just--”

“I can and I will. I refuse to forget. You’re my soulmate and I’ve never been more sure of it than in this moment. I will remember you in the next life and I will find you and we’ll fall in love all over again.”

“...I know I’m not the only one you’ve loved, Donovan.”

“None of them ever compared. Not to you.”

Luan said nothing.

“Please just promise to be with me,” Donovan said.

“...I promise. To the end of time, I promise. To the end of our existence, whether that’s now or in ten thousand lifetimes, I’ll always be with you.”

“Thank you,” Donovan said. “Thank you so much. That’s all I ever needed to hear.”

**Author's Note:**

> sorry if that ending was weird i finished writing this at 2 am lol
> 
> anyway here are the names of the knights in case you couldn't guess or you're just lazy and skipped to the end notes because you didn't want to play my fun guessing game >:/  
alexandria: shield knight  
pierre: propeller knight  
jack: black knight  
i almost namedropped plague too but i hc he doesn't like his name very much so while donovan knows what it is, he makes a conscious effort to not use it.
> 
> anyway im going to bed now its almost 3 am hope you liked the fic dont forget to like comment and subscr


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